Month: March 2016

Not a Fairytale

I look into your eyes
And I know now is the time
The white teeth of life’s smile
Sometimes do tarnish with a grime
The two of us played parts
In the story of You and Me
But, a twist in plot has made clear:
It’s not a fairytale, actually
One last kiss for your cheek,
Finding the strength to say “Goodbye”
I look back at a dream we knotted
And manage to untie

*Just a little something I wrote down for a friend who thought she had something more than what she really did. Keep on going. I think your strength is beautiful. xo Z

Since returning from my trip to NYC, I have found myself feeling lethargic and aimless at times. Not necessarily depressed, but just in a bit of a funk. The feeling has somewhat subsided the past couple of days, but still has left its debris.

Perhaps, I have realized it will be quite a while before I see my friends in the city again. Again, we have to rely on Facetime, calls, texts, etc. to cope. As long as my trip felt, it is never truly long enough. I have even gone so far, in the past, as to stare at walls, attempting to slow down time during a vacation. But, it never truly works. Longing to go back to a vacation is like the hangover to a night of excessive drinking: An inevitable drawback.

Perhaps, I don’t have any immediate trips planned, to dangle in front of my face like a carrot, when the days get long and grueling. The past few days have had their tough parts. I have had to remind myself that I come from a family of very hard workers and sometimes we just have to roll up our sleeves. When it comes to needing a carrot of a trip planned, I do know in my heart that I will get back to my friends eventually and I’m sure I will have another adventure planned soon enough. I definitely found myself thinking about the beach on a few occasions today. Something to plan and dream about…

I have been thinking a lot lately about how important it is to try to be happy where ever we are. I don’t want my time being wasted on believing things will be awesome “When…” and I want the replacement to be things will be awesome “Even when…” I can’t say that I’m there yet, but moments of being happy just where I am do emerge from time to time and these are the moments I cherish the most. More please.

The weather in NYC has been lovely for midday wanders the past couple days. I have been going down old, familiar streets and seeing places I used to love to hang out and some I used to love to avoid. There is something so satisfying about knowing there is nowhere to go and no one to see for at least enough time to meander and gather thoughts, on an adventure of sorts. My plans for this evening were canceled and it allowed for extra time to go to Prospect Park with my friend Alyssa and her baby who I call “Girl” out of love. We had a great time and conversation and even realized we had managed to get a little exercise out of the deal.

When I got back to my friend’s apartment, I needed something out of my suitcase. So, I grabbed it and set it on her bed and started searching for what I needed. I found it. When I zipped around the outside of the shell and started to put it back against the wall, I started thinking.

My parents bought me the suitcase when I graduated either high school or college — I can’t remember which and it’s not pertinent here. But, I realized that I have gotten a lot of use out of the gift and I am very grateful. What a great gift to receive! Words cannot express how much I love to travel and I am already planning my next trip out of the country with friends. My passport and my suitcase are two of my favorite possessions because of what they represent.

Clearly, I am one who loves to be on an adventure and I just cannot imagine being any other way. I have certain people in my life who I wish traveled more often, but perhaps leaving home and staying local is a preference I just don’t happen to have in common with them. Which is ok! I am just happy that one of my loves in life rewards me with the capability of seeing so many friends and family members whose faces I wish I could see every day. These faces are definitely worth traveling to.

That being said, I have to run. I have a few faces I need to see tonight and hope will light up when they see mine, too. 

Here is a little something I jotted down on a napkin during my flight here:

Such a very long way 
Left to go
Places unseen,
Destination unknown
Continuing on a winding,
One-way road
Stopping only for coffee
In get there mode

After a busy work day and week, I am very excited to get my things together and gear up for a visit to my dear neighborhood in Brooklyn. I cannot wait to see my friends and just walk around and be thankful to be back. Also, there is definitely a bagel or two in the horizon. It feels like I’m going to a summer home!

These are strange days for me in terms of deciding what “home” means and where it lives. I think the meaning of the word must be somewhat flexible, but I have been trying to figure out if it could be polygamous in nature for some people. Can a person have multiple homes and really love them all? I definitely have love in my heart for more than one location.

Sometimes I feel like such a gypsy and I know that there is definitely a part of me that loves to be on the run, wheeling a suitcase or hauling a large backpack. Having a place to hang your hat also has its appeal.

I don’t know exactly what the future will bring and I don’t know that anyone does. Maybe I’ll figure it all out on a wander around 18th St. and 5th Ave. in a couple days.

Z