vacation time starts:
 be back in eleven days —
my bags are all packed.

 

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Earlier this week, I found myself getting very aggravated with many of the posts I was seeing on Facebook. I couldn’t help but look and was so surprised to see how many of my “friends” have such different views than my own. Normally, I embrace diversity; but, after the tragic shooting in Orlando, I was not in the mood. Facebook should be for posting vacation pictures and making one’s life look 10 times better than the barely bearable shit show that actually exists. Instead, what it had become had me wanting to throw my phone in the toilet.

I deactivated my account. As far as how long this will last goes, I cannot say. What I can say is that I have attempted to open the app on my iPhone a ridiculous amount of times — completely out of habit. The habit is what I am taking a necessary break from. And the opinions. I’m tired of reading opinions. I’d rather see pictures of everyone’s annoying children any day than have to expose myself to another second of their opinions.

Instagram will be my stand-in. At least there is more purity there. As stated, I could be back on the FB train tomorrow, but the trial separation feels nice today. Hopefully, when and if I do activate my account again, there will be less of the smug and more of the pug (I’m a big fan of all the pet pictures). If not, I foresee an on-again off-again sort of relationship forming.

That’s all for now. Gotta go and figure out how in the world to use Snapchat!

 

Scanning pages upon pages of documents filled my work day. I had little human contact and got up only to use the restroom or to refill my coffee mug. I didn’t realize how little I had used my voice all morning until after noon, when a coworker asked me how I was doing. The answer I provided sounded something like a dying frog. Even I am not entirely sure what my response was supposed to say.

The woman who provided the question is one I do not converse with much. She held a certain space in my mind, meant mostly for the occasional “Excuse me” and such. I believe I held a similar space in her mind, too.

The conversation that proceeded was one I would not have expected. Full of jokes, that one. And funny ones, too! At one point, she even went on to tell me a story about her weekend which had me quite focused and surprised. I learned more about her in six minutes than I have in six months.

In all of us, I believe there are many sides. We can be both captivating and boring; funny and sad; good and bad. Today, I took the opportunity to recognize the strangeness in myself. I began to wonder when and where I have presented both my best and worst selves. I wondered where I could have possibly gone wrong.

All too often, humans are fast to judge one another and to think that the person being judged is a person he or she could never be. But, wait until that moment when a young, skinny bastard steals their parking spaces. Then the Red appears. Maybe the steps away from that red to the doorway of doing something abominable are fewer than what seemed. I know I have had some terrible fantasies in my mind, behind seemingly stupid people, in line at the bank.

I can’t help but to think that maybe we all need to take a step back, sometimes, and really think about situations, before passing judgment. To find out where, really, we went wrong. Placing a finger on one person or group can feel good for the moment, but the problem still exists. Maybe the problem exists in all of us.

I can’t help but to think that maybe, inside me, there is both a prince and a frog. Maybe I need to hold up a mirror and kiss my own reflection to see which one appears before my own eyes. The empowerment of the experiment might be worthwhile. Maybe there is something there I did not expect to see. Or, maybe I will just see Me.

 

 

Just a thought. I believe working hard makes having fun so much better. There is a balance required in having a party lifestyle, in which I have spotted out in some amazing people I have known. Work hard/Play hard is a quality many claim to possess. But, to really work for the pleasures in life is not easy. Finding balance in this life is a skill I am constantly learning.

I’ve been working since I was a teenager. I am no newbie to the workplace. However, I still have to remind myself, occasionally, that I know how to tie a tie. Even after moving to NYC with only a suitcase and carry-on on a plane, I still have to remind myself. I have to remind myself that there is a creature in me that knows how to make money. A force that can balance out my whimsical, happy-go-lucky ways, with a side of me that is a solid M’f’er. A side of me that will be ok.

Too easy, it can be, at times, to get stuck in the past or have anxieties flying around like annoying gnats to enjoy the Present. To not recognize a side of oneself that is willing to roll up both sleeves and get hands dirty and dig in deep to find a sense of peace. The you inside you that will always hustle ’til you make it.

“Don’t be stuck between past and present energies.” That’s what I keep telling myself this week, after reading my horoscope a few days ago. Constantly reliving the past is not going to be a tool for this project I have going on and I have to stay focused on the Present. No matter where I am going, it literally cannot be to the Past.

Short-term goals are my focus right now. I have a trip to NYC coming up in exactly a month. There a many other short-term goals between then and now. The trick is making each moment count. I am here for the dirty work. Just don’t be surprised if one of these dirty hands is holding a dirty Martini at the end of the day.