Month: November 2015

As I near closer to the date that I must leave NYC, I have found it impossible not to be suddenly sentimental and unexpectedly thrown into moods, emotions, and feelings at times. I have worked my butt off to make it as long as I have and I take those who got me this far very seriously.

I would like to say Thank You to:

*My Liz: Words cannot describe how thankful I am to have you in my life and how hard it is for me to envision my life without you. Thank you for always understanding me, even when I am crazy. Thank you for being by my side and teaching my how to create and prioritize through the hard times in life. I will never take you for granted and consider you a soul mate. At times, it is beyond explanation.

*My TL: You are my Songstress. I heard your music once and wanted to be involved in any way I could. I never imagined I would actually be in your band. But I did join it. And I loved it. I also lived with you. And I loved it. I love you and I love your sense of humor and I want nothing but the best for you. Your happiness is contagious.

*My Vicky: I am so proud of your work in school and I always knew you would go far. You have always been a Fart Smeller… I mean a Smart Feller… and I am so glad that we are friends. You were always so generous to me and I am glad I found you. I think you found me, too.

*My Jodi: Michael made it so that we have taken care of each other in the ways that we have. I care so much about you and want nothing but the best for you. Your generosity in life always inspires me. Your wisdom always makes me so proud to know you and brings so much light to those who you love the most. Your heart is a priceless diamond and I am so glad that I have had a chance to see the sparkles and its size.

*My Jilly: You are family to me. I will miss our laughs and drinks (especially my Zachary Daiquiris) and all that is you. I love you so much and know that it is mutual. I cannot wait to come back and squeeze you until you punch me with one of those rings you wear. You are my favorite person to sit next to at the table.

*My Alyssa: 8 hour days. We have struggled through. 4am. Mornings when we have been drunk. Bitch I know you. You might be younger than me but you can cook a turkey. Even though you have a degree, I am proud of you for so much more. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have a daughter but I love yours. And yours has the coolest motherfucking mother in Brooklyn.

 

I’m not sure exactly how, but I have gotten so far behind on a post I initiated amongst my blog supporters, Liz and Alyssa. We have been going with a theme and holding each other accountable for posting words about a certain topic. The topic I seem to have missed was about a memory. And I think I know why.

The memory that I immediately thought about was the memory of when I moved to New York City. I imagine that the reason why I have had difficulty with posting this one is because I have so much going on and I am actually in the process of leaving all of what I have in the city behind.

What does one do when he/she is exhausted? I mean really exhausted. There is no hotel which claims to take care of informing your employer/s and friends when you reach a point when the color has disappeared from what was vibrant and sustainable. Once the point is reached, it is an internal scavenger hunt for techniques to make the need for a new beginning seem legitimate. The need to make a plan that reads smart and thought-out becomes crucial.

So, there is much to examine. For now, I want to go back to a post I should have completed a couple weeks ago. I want to write about what brought me to Brooklyn— to a place I am at, where I have so many people I am finding so hard to leave.

When I was just 24 years old, I received a call from my friend Cathy. Her sister lived in Park Slope, Brooklyn and was in search of a roommate who was from out of town and really wanted to move to NYC and was willing to drop everything. When I heard of this, my mouth dropped. I felt I was the person she and her 3 roommates were looking for.

At the time, I thought that a miracle was the only thing that would get me out of my situation. Against my family’s warnings, I had majored in theatre and had been going through a difficult time, figuring out what the next step in my life would be. I had recently blown off an offer to work for a Christian-based theatre company where I would have been making a lot of money to pretend to be what I managed to succeed at pretending to be during my call-back at a large audition event.

Turning down the offer and another offer that just felt like the wrong choices left me feeling like I was crazy for not just taking whatever life had handed to me as work. But I did turn it down. And then I got the call from Cathy. I realized during the call that the only thing I needed was to move to New York and I knew in my heart that I would make it work. Despite the look of doubts in the faces of my friends and family, I still knew that I would make it work and proceeded to sell what I had to sell and broke the news to friends and family.

I would have been here in NYC for 8 years in April of this year. The story that I have to share as a memory is one that I currently replay on a daily basis. The fact that I am going over my story so often has prevented me from feeling validated in writing it down. But, I am writing it down now. Mostly, because it feels nice to see that I can write out a passage and am able to follow through on a project that I formulated with my friends who are supporting my blog endeavors.

My dream of living in New York is not an easy dream to let go. However, I am moving forward and find myself, now, sketching out the blue prints of my future where the dream I thought was so pie-in-the-sky to live in such a wonderful city is shifting into an acceptance that I can do a 180º and not look at it as a loss, but a gain.

One step at a time. I am striving to allow myself to take the future as it comes. I have worked my ass off to make it all work this long and I will continue to work and allow awesome opportunities to present themselves. I could probably use an inhaler. And I still heart New York.